whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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