My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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