either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
