watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
