you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
