so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
