sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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