I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he was CRYING into my vagina
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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