finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Oh god it's open bar.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
