we have officially lost it.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
