Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
