worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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