She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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