piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
