You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
