one might say we're banned from that church
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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