My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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