weddingsv make me drug and hornr
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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