wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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