I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
