oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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