I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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