Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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