I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I could fuck to npr.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
