She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
