i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize