Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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