oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
