I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize