I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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