My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
