The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
