so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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