I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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