Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
