I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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