i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
