were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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