i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize