ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
