Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
