i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
