if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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