so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
