there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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