I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
