So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
