ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
