ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
