i think my mom watched the whole time
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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