Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
