I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
