My friends, they love my intelligence
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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