whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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