Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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