I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
