if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i think i just lost a toe
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize