Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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