The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
