The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
