Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
