My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
