i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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