I looked at my own cervix.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize