Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
