I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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