I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
