i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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