I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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