so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
