"it" just moved
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
