The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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