Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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