just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
