I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
