i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
