My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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