But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
