My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
