i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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