I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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