areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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