look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
worst night to have a conscience
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
